Years ago a girlfriend taught me the phrase “curious not furious.” I didn’t need that phrase. Yet! But it stuck with me and I am glad!
Curious Not Furious – Funnermother.com
Curious Not Furious – Funnermother.com
She said it helped her catch herself dealing with her very busy very curious son. The idea was that looking under manhole covers, taking things apart, and climbing up to see things were all ways her son was exploring, experimenting, and she wanted to try to share his curiosity rather than reacting in all the ways that busy moms do — you know, when your kid finds a way to pull off a manhole cover. I have tried out the phrase — more than once! And this time I took pictures.
Curious Not Furious – Funnermother.com
Thing 2 loves bead ironing, and we were painstakingly picking colors (me) and putting those tiny beads on their grid to make a design that we would iron so it’d stick together. She’s very curious AND she’s all about input — craves lots and lots of sensory input. So we were feeling them, talking about how one is hard, but a bowlful are actually soft and nice. We put our hands in the big container and imagined we were small ad could climb in there. Then I got coffee.
Curious not Furious – Funnermother.com
When I returned she was standing, with that big container poised over her head. Ready to pour. I had a visceral reaction of horror. But we had the whole day ahead of us, and ‘curious not furious’ popped up to take over. I smiled and said “I don’t mind as long as you clean up after.” “Uh, really?” “Sure, as long as you sweep up the beads.”
She did it.
It didn’t last as long as she wanted, but she got to feel them, hear them pinging off the floor, and watch them bounce into every blessed nook and cranny.
Curious Not Furious – Funnermother.com
Clean-up was more than either of us expected. With lots of coaxing (some of it very stern!) and in the end help from mom we got it cleaned up. I was very proud of myself! Until she did it again the minute we gave up cleaning! Ha ha.
Try ‘curious not furious’ and see what you and your kid can learn.
Other posts on sensory play include: Here, Feel This Fruit
AngelaLTodd: let's get fun! 
This is a great saying to remind ourselves when dealing with curious children. And as adults maybe we can take a lesson from our children and keep our curiosity alive!
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Thanks, Jill! I must say, it really changes the shape of the day when I remember — but that second clean-up was a drag! Thanks for stopping by. x Angela
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Love this phrase, definitely going to use and share it! As a coach, my job is bring curiosity to everything and look at situations, beliefs and feelings in different ways to garner new learning and insight to challenge new action. I also see how I can use this more as a mom and totally honour how you played this situation with you child. What a gift you gave in letting go and letting her be full in curiosity.
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Thank you thank you, Aly. So much about parenting seems wrapped up in convenience for the adults. It does have to be that way, but I’ve found quitting my day job has given me the space to take the curious not furious road more often, and to see my child’s childlike-ness as curiosity and not an imposition. Thanks for stopping by! x a
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Very cool way of showing actions and consequences too. Sure, you can do it, but you’ll have to clean it up. Nice.
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Ah, yes, Deb. Good point! Giving oneself over to curiosity still/always does carry consequences. Thanks for stopping by! x a
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Angela, I can really appreciate the “curious not furious” concept. There is so much value in taking on that mantra and making it part of your parenting experience. It teaches your children to embrace the moment and the opportunities to experience something new. It teaches them to take responsibility for their actions and their reactions. One can choose to be curious, just as well as once can choose to be furious. it teaches both the parent and the child to choose the form of engagement that better serves them and the other people with whom they interact. LIKE!
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Denise, thank you thank you for your thoughtful comments. I do rush around in between these moments, but I’m grateful for my own choice when I can and do make it. Thank you for stopping by, x a
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It’s so amazing how changing the language we use can actually change how we feel. That’s a great reminder of that. Reframe the way you look at it and change the words you use! There’s so much power in words! Thanks for sharing!
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Dear Fay: Oh, you are so right. That little phrase has a lot of power in it. Thanks for stopping by my bl og! xx a
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