How are you holding up?

If I had a nickel for every time I typed that this week, we’d be living large on the craggy coast of Maine.  But seriously, how ARE you holding up?

If you’re reading this, you probably have kids.  Are they okay?  I posted some scripts for responding to the US election on my Funnermother Facebook page, groupe

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d by age.  Here they are.  I wish I could thank the author, but I don’t know who it is.

Some developmentally-sensitive scripts (just suggestions):
0-5 years old: “Grown ups are so silly! Can you believe that a lot of grown-ups voted for a meanie? I know, those grown-ups are so silly! We’ll vote for someone better next time. Now let’s play outside…”

6-10 years old: “I am so sad and disappointed. I really wanted this to be different. We have a LOT of work to do now! There are lots of ways that our family, community, and our friends are going to protect each other and work together to make sure that we have a kind and fair leader of our country in the future. Let me tell you about some of the things we can do….”

11-13 years old: “This is not the first horrible thing that has happened in the United States (refer to the history) and it won’t be the last, but for every horrible thing that has happened, there has

also been a group of people committed to fighting against it. Have you heard the word “revolution”? That’s when people know that so many things are wrong and that the only way to fix them is to change them completely. Let’s think about some of the things we could do to make a revolution happen in the United States….”

14+: “Let’s look at the exit poll statistics closely so we can see which groups of people voted for Trump”. Review BLM platform and demands. Review INCITE! vision statement. Make a family vision statement that includes social justice commitments. Mark organizing dates on family calendar.

I am in a lot of “ladies” groups, and I am heartened at how strong and hard we are responding to a power shift that scares us, as I am also saddened by reports of bullying, racial slurs, and sleepless nights over disabled kids losing their health care.

I am here for you.  Please don’t suffer alone.  Reach out and we can commiserate and I will pass along any and all resources that I have.  And know that I love you.

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What’s a White Mom to Do?

I cried all the way to the library.  Then I told my kids about Alton Sterling and Philando Castile.  “Remember last summer when I said not to leave a black friend if a cop showed up or if you were all doing something and it went sideways?  Or if things started to unravel, or if any one of you did something wrong? To ask the cop if you can call us before you reach for your phone? And that we will come and support you all?”

They nodded solemnly.  When I cry it gets their undivided attention.

“Well that’s not enough.  I’m sorry that the world is not a perfect place.  But each of us by being here has the responsibility to leave our place better than we found it.  We need to figure out what we can do to heal this place.”

They blinked.

“I want us to try harder.”

How? they asked.  “Be friendly. Look people in the eye, say hi.  Let’s start there.”

My slightly atypical, rather antisocial teen bristled: But I don’t associate with ANY people, white, brown, or any race.  And I know this is true – we’ve been trying to figure that out already.

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Click this image to purchase this set or see other ceramics from Acme Humane.

“Just talk to Fred at the bus stop.  It’s just you two.  I’m not asking you to be his friend only because he’s brown, but I AM asking you to be friendly.  Just start by saying ‘hi.’  Do you ever talk?” If there’s something going on at school to talk about. “Okay, good, start by just talking.”  I know I am asking a lot of this kid, but I am asking anyway.

“And you, sister, have you noticed that the bus stop breaks into 2 groups by color when we’re there?  You have?  Talk to those brown kids, too.” But those are all boys and they’re rough and act crazy.  “Yep, I know, they’re younger than you and when they get together, they can act silly.  I’ll help you.”

I’ll help you.

Inside the library, an African American boy about 2 or 3 is being held to a very high standard by a black adult woman: “That isn’t yours.  Put that back.  Look at me. I don’t like that.”  And I wonder about how much the pressure on her has increased over the last 48 hours, the last year — or 2.  A white couple arrives with three biracial toddlers.  I wonder who is at the most risk, how the visible markers of skin color override history, behavior, rules, rights… Race matters, and being “colorblind” does not help, as Mamademics has pointed out.

We are white like salamander bellies.  It is up to US to breach this gap.  Imperfectly, perhaps, but we need to start.  Because we are outside the script that gets laid on people of color.  They cannot heal this rift alone, it is too dangerous.

We must.

We must start somewhere.

I would dearly love to hear what you are doing in your family or neighborhood to breach this gap.  Pop on over to Facebook and let me know; let’s talk.  And if you don’t know how to get started, pm me over there.  I’ll help you.  Or I’ll talk to your group, or share a reading list, or just listen.

 

Books on race and love and making the world better

This summer we are working toward an #AntiracistEducation, and I’ve compiled a list of what we’ve read.  If you purchase your book from Amazon via my page, I get a nominal finder’s fee, at no cost to you.  And I welcome your reading suggestions!

Books on race and love and making the world a better place:

kids book on race

Image from The Other Side by Jacqueline Woodson. Click this image to see its Amazon description

Picture Books

A is for Activist by Innosanto Nagara

Amazing Grace by Mary Hoffman

Brave Girl: Clara and the Shirtwaist Makers’ Strike of 1909 by Michelle Markel

Chicken Sunday by Patricia Polacco

Counting on Community by Innosanta Nagara

Each Kindness by Jacqueline Woodson

Grace for President by Kelly S. DiPucchio

Grandfather Gandhi by Arun Gandhi

Harlem’s Little Blackbird by Renee Watson and Christian Robinson

It’s Okay To Be Different by Todd Parr

Josehine: The Dazzling Life of Josephine Baker by Patricia Hruby Powell and Christian Robinson

Librarian of Basra, The by Jeannette Winter

Mama Miti: Wangari Maathai and the Trees of Kenya by Donna Jo Napoli

Peace Begins with You by Katherine Scholes

Separate is Never Equal: Sylvia Mendez and her Family’s Fight for Desegregation by Duncan Tonatiuh

Shades of People by Shelley Rotner and Sheila M. Kelly

Smoky Night by Eve Bunting

Sojourner Truth by Margo McLoone

Story of Ruby Bridges, The, by Robert Coles

The Other Side by Jacqueline Woodson

The Story of Ruby Bridges by Robert Coles

Whoever You are by Mem Fox

Chapter Books

Bud, Not Buddy by Christopher Paul Curtis

Maniac Magee by Jerry Spinelli

Watsons go to Birmingham by Christopher Paul Curtis

Historical Contexts/Documents

Claudette Colvin: Twice Toward Justice by Philip Hoose

Young People’s History of the United States by Howard Zinn, adapted by Rebecca Stefoff