Moms’ self-care: yet another task?

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I admit, I despair of those articles telling me all the things I must, should, or could be doing for myself.

Take 15 minutes, practice mindfulness, reach out to friends, take a bath.

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They are all great ideas, they are not selfish or outlandish, and they sound so do-able.

But they’re not.

Not for me.

I am a little jittery already, and taking time to smell the roses just… makes me uncomfortable.

Those self-care ideas still feel selfish, even though I know they’re not.

Or they feel like tasks: things I need to remember, maintain, or organize.

And before I could take a bath, I’d have to clean the tub.  Boo.

But that doesn’t mean I haven’t learned some alternate self-care strategies!

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I have, and they fall into three general categories: incorporate, schedule, outsource.

Incorporate nurturing things into your life.

After finishing a huge project I paid myself with luxurious flannel sheets, and every time I use them it is a treat for both eyes and skin.

Add a scent to your nighttime routine.

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Or a luxurious soap to your morning routine.

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“Surround yourself with” sounds like an enormous task of planning and commitment to me.

Instead, find one image that you love.

It could be a place, a trip, a person, a color, a dream.

Something that you will see and smile.

Then, put it where you will see it.

Or plant a perennial — my lilac tree looks good, smells good, and throws some shade.

Done once, enjoyed daily.

Schedule the things that get you through the week.

If you are reading this, you probably know that I love Mondays because it’s moms’ night out.

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Every Monday, rain or shine.

And it must work, because our families respect it and make sure it happens.

Lunch, massage, a britcom, playing cards, a knitting or exercise class, a drink, or Wednesday evening gardening.

Schedule it once, enjoy it regularly.

Outsource what you can.

Start by getting your kids to do whatever age-appropriate chores they can.

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Getting my kids to take out the garbage and recycling, and wipe and put away dishes, was far more gratifying and stress-reducing than I imagined.

And Thing 2 loves food prep: retrieving, washing, slicing. She loves setting the table.  Thing 1 loves lighting the candle if we have one.

It all adds up, and she chatters through the whole thing to the “audience” of her imagined cooking show.

Maybe you have someone who does your taxes, teaches your kids an instrument, or cleans your house.

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And if you are juggling food sensitivities, diets, picky kids, or newly declared vegetarians– you can also hire an experienced researcher and planner to work with you on streamlining your family meal.  Me!  🙂  We can work together to get mealtime back on track.

Visit my website to see details on my short course on Feeding the Finicky and my more intense family meal overhaul called Kitchen Coaching.  And as always, pop on over to Facebook to catch daily tips and quips.

Use edible flowers to entice picky eaters

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Gardening with kids introduces them to the freshest of foods.

A family garden teaches them growth cycles, harvest techniques, and teamwork.

Plants are the only living things that make their own food.

Once the novelty of the garden wears off, reintroduce it with edible flowers.

Eat them right out of your window boxes!

The smallest gardeners will need guidance, of course, as to which flowers are edible.

Play scientist!

 

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What colors are in the flower?

Smell and feel the flowers, crush them in your hands and smell them again.

Ask if they are sweet, peppery, minty.  Crunchy?  Chewy?

Play researcher!

 

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Search out if you can cook the flowers, and how.

I have a New England friend who swears that fried dandelion flowers taste like fried mushrooms.

This summer we are trying that!

A coworker used to bring in lavender pizelles (this crispy italian cookies).

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Salads with nasturtiums, fried zucchini blossoms, daylilies, echinachea tea…

Have a garden playdate and try them all (clear it with the moms first, just in case of allergies).

Brew sun tea outside, make a salad right from the garden and eat it there, too.

Pretend you are dinosaurs, you’re on Master Chef Junior, you are on a journey to search for the magical golden flower that will make you able to fly…

just ask the kids, they’ll take you on the wildest adventures ever.

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If you’d like more ideas for making mealtime with your picky eater fun, sign up for my list of Tools for Finicky Eaters (hint: they’re edible!) here.

And if you want to work one-on-one, we can give your family mealtimes a total makeover.  Just look over here.

Get your kids into the garden now!

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At this time of year, the cold, ice, snow and grey skies are punctuated with tiny hopeful patches of color.

Red, orange, yellow, and lots of greens.

Maybe you are getting these winter-breakers at your house.

They save thousands from seasonal depression, coming on the heels of the winter holidays.

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Yep it’s time for seed catalogues!

My kids like to garden.

With a landscaper dad, they practically grew up in the independent garden center where he worked.

This year I’m trying an experiment.

I’m giving the kids the garden catalogues.

At nearly 12, Thing 1 is not going to play with gorgeous spring vegetable toys.  Sadly.

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My cake-eater brags about eating raw cabbage right out of his garden in the summer.

In winter, he tries to steer clear of the veggies.  So I hope asking him to circle the items he wants to plant in the garden will get his mind on his greens.

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Going through the catalogues

together, we might remember a fruit or vegetable that we haven’t had for a while.

We might agree to try the new funky cauliflower or kalettes.

They don’t need to know I have ulterior motives as we cuddle up under Gram’s afghan and plan for spring!

Tell me what you’re planning for YOUR garden over on Facebook.  And if you’d like to work with me on your finicky eaters, drop me a line at Funnermother[at]gmail[cot]com

Tools of the trade: eating in style

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Kids love having and making choices.

They always want to have choices and to feel empowered.  Who doesn’t?

Sometimes, though, they don’t have choices about what they eat… like when they don’t want to eat the healthy meal you’ve made.

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It happens.

And when it does, offer your kids some fun alternative eating utensils.

I’ve shared some recipes that sneak in healthy food, and I’ve written about some grocery store games to engage your kids in the family’s food choices.  Add imaginative cutlery to your bag of tricks.

From left: yogurt foil lids are meant to be used as spoons; K’nex, popsicle sticks, pickle fork, decorative butter knives, a Nuk tool for our sensory defensive eater (our seeker also loves it, even without dipping it in food!), cob knobs, dixie cups, colorful cutlery, measuring spoon, toothbrush, chopsticks, and a medicine measuring device from the pharmacy. See what YOU have on hand.

 

 

Here are some items we’ve used over the years to coax and play with our defensive kid and satisfy a desire for input for our seeker kid!  🙂

Even at 7 & 11, if I just set down a plate of pineapple or cheese cubes with a toothpick in each one, they are far more likely to eat.

I’d love to hear about any crazy tools you come up with… please share them in the comments below, or join in over on Facebook!

Dinnertime: A Seating Plan and Surveillance

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Thing 2 made a seating chart with plates and silverware drawn in.

We talked about making a family resolution a month ago…I suggested we start eating at the dining room table.

We usually eat in the living room, but now we have a tween in the house, he’s been squirreling away alone.  I didn’t like it, but it seemed like a harmless way to let him have some independence.

So I broached the idea tentatively.

And they surprised me.

I came home in the dark after working one Sunday at the swish boutique that carries my crocheted items.  Thing 2, age 7, was scurrying around in an apron setting the (newly cleaned off) dining room table.

She had drawn a seating plan, and had taped to the table pieces of scrap paper with our names written on them.

It wasn’t January yet!

We’ve eaten at the table every night but two, and we all seem to enjoy it.  My more traditional neighbor always sang the family meal’s praises.  She did it her kids’ entire lives, and still hosts the whole family plus a son-in-law every Sunday.  I continue to be surprised at the immediate change it made for us.  Everyone comes to the table, we talk, tell about our day, laugh, get antsy, do dishes together, and more.  And the “more” is this — I think my cake-eater eats more of his healthy dinner this way!  It could be because Mother Is Watching, or it could be that it has turned dinner into a more social affair.  I’m pleasantly surprised, and most of all because they actually did it without me!  Try it at your house and let me know how it goes.  Or tell me how to mix it up after the novelty has worn off.  And if you want the lo-down on inspired ways to feed those finicky kids, get my free 20-minute talk HERE.

 

Supermoist Chocolate Cake – it’s healthy!

I’ve got a lot of strategies for feeding my finicky kids! At the same time, I do also sneak healthy foods into my kids.

Here’s the recipe for my latest awesome discovery:
Chocolate Beet Cake
Boil, then peel & shred 1.5 – 2 cups beets, set aside.

Stir:

1/2 C melted butter, 1/2 C olive oil, 3 large eggs, 1C sugar, 2 C flour, 1/4 C cocoa powder, 2tsp baking soda, 1/2 tsp salt, 1/2 C dark chocolate mini-morsels, ½ C melted butter, ½ C olive oil, 3 large eggs, 1 C sugar, 2 tsp vanilla

Fold in beets.
Cook in buttered 13×9 pan, dusted with cocoa at 350 for 35-­‐45 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean.

Do you have a surprising family sneak?  I’d love to hear about it in the comments below!

Grocery store games: Feeding the Finicky

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A great way to get kids invested in food — and have a wider palate — is to take them to the grocery store.  Young kids love to learn their colors, feel the produce, smell things, and talk with mom.

Even my sensory defensive kid, overwhelmed by the lights and noises of our cavernous store, would go, wearing a hood or baseball cap — and if he could get in those enclosed grocery carts that look like cars (right) and “drive” around, he was in heaven. Some sensory kids like  ‘heavy work’ like carrying potatoes or a bag of flour.

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My dear friend ran her family produce market, and I can’t recommend a small family place strongly enough!  Often she would have cut a melon or ambrosia apple or blood orange, and would give a little slice to the kids.  I credit her with a lot of our family’s health and regularity!  It was a great experience of community while it lasted.

Around kindergarten, we let the kids pick out our vegetable for dinner, or asked them to pick something new to try.  The grocery store is also a wonderful place to learn early math and learn to read!

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Mine are past this age, and my 11-year-old son has started to protest that he can stay home.  And we have let him.

But we went to the store as a family recently, and I learned a LOT!

Thing 1 was a micropreemie, intubated, and sensory defensive.  He gags on gravy and yogurt textures.

So I have always served his food plain, and reserved the savory, tangy, and spicy sauces for us parents.  We went through the frozen food aisle and he pointed to the pictures of foods he thought he would eat.  They had sauces!

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I had him pick out a vegetable, and for a change, we did get a frozen dinner (chicken pasta ranch something or other).  I feel your frustration with your picky eaters, believe me I do!  But I’ve learned that it is an ongoing relationship with food that we are cultivating;  kids’ tastes change frequently and without notice, and given the opportunity, they usually want to eat something delicious and just need a little guidance.

I have a lot more to say about picky eaters!  I’m giving a free call Monday, November 10, at 12 noon.  Sign up here to join me, and if you can’t make the live call, you can listen to the recording.

 

 

 

My Top Two Tips for Picky Eaters

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My kids are 7 & 11, and they are OPPOSITES.

I have one defensive kid who likes bread and cake; one seeker kid who is a devout carnivore and eats raw purple onions… and chives right out of the garden.

Successfully feeding them both is an adventure!

If you have a picky eater, it may even be a grown-up.

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It’s funny what grownups bring along with them… unfamiliarity with flavors or vegetables, family prejudices or favorites…  kids or adults, I want us all to eat together and work on making that pleasant for everyone at the table.

But of course I want it to be easy on me, too!  🙂

My best tip to accommodate picky eaters is this: Keep your ingredients separated.  Soups, casseroles, sandwiches…  Most of the time, that’s all it takes. Thing 1 will eat noodles, chicken, and carrots.  But not if they are mixed together in a broth.

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Once I figured this out, it saved me so much stress and worry!

Most of the time, he’s eating the same things we are, after all.  Perhaps a little more noodles and a little less everything else, but he’s eating in each food group.  And that is progress — no more chasing him with a spoon for “one more bite.”

I have also been working on tip2: creating delicious smells for them to come home to, or to sneak up on them if we’re all at home, and asking them to smell new foods or dishes to get acquainted with them.

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The olfactory sense is an integral part of taste.  Cultivating an acquaintance and eventual pleasure of something baking in the oven or simmering in the crock pot is a hassle-free way to introduce new foods and new flavors.

Sometimes those savory aromas will convince your picky eater to try something where the foods are all touching!  Indeed, I credit the school lunch program at the little hippie private school they attended — where delicious dishes were cooked by moms from around the world — with enticing my kids into eating Indian, Russian, Asian, and Mexican flavors.

I’ll be giving a free call with more tips for picky eaters soon!  Get in the loop by following me on Facebook, following this blog, or signing up for my biweekly E-zine.  Thank you for reading, good luck!

Seven Phrases to Help You Back Off the Helicopter Parenting

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I’ve written before about being a helicopter parent, and as my kids moved from private to public school, man, I was on high alert in my very mommy cells!  But my rational brain wants them to be self-sufficient and feel capable, so my mommy cells and my brain continue to fight it out.  As Thing 1 moves into tweenhood, I find it much easier to back off at home — not bring him water after *I* am in bed, ask him to get his own snacks, dinner condiments, whatever — than to figure that out about the rest of the big wide world — how far he can go from home alone and for how long, and when he can have a cel phone…

1. “Oh, good idea, you can do that yourself!  Let me help you with it.”  Then, a few months or years later, “If you need help let me know.”  From getting water for the bedside table to packing up the backpack for school, make it clear that they have the ability and you trust them to do it, and you’re still there if they need you.

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2. “Ug, I know how much that sucks, I’m sorry. Do you want to talk about it?”  Don’t blame the other kid, the school, or the world for their pain.  Let them feel the pain, move through it, and bounce back.

3. “Everyone fails.  Nobody ever gets it right the very first time, that’s how we all learn.”  Our kids should expect to fail and have some coping skills for when it happens.

4. “Yeah, I think you can!  Give it a try, let’s see how it goes.”  Constant praise and you-can-do-its can be deceiving.  You can still be positive without making them think success is guaranteed.  See #3.  🙂

5.”Aw crap, I messed up.  Let me see if I can make this right or try again.”  It’s a lot of pressure to think of ourselves as models for our kids at all times.  But we are, and that does not mean we don’t make mistakes.  In fact, those mistakes are great opportunities to teach them what to do next, how to fix it.

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6. “And then this one time, I embarrassed myself so badly {hearty laugh and tell the story}”  Laughing at ourselves is the very best gift we can get. Or give.  It took me until my mid-to-late 40s to figure this out.  One of my kids really resists it, and I work to remember in the moment to laugh instead of being defensive when he catches me goofing up.

7. Everyone has a family story like this one: my father raced my nephews: on foot, all the time, he always won.  ALWAYS.  I said, Pa, that’s rough, you’re being hard on those boys, they’re only 4, or whatever.  He didn’t say a word.  Fast forward 20 years. One day the older boy looked over and slowed down until Pa passed him.  Then Pa stopped.  “Don’t patronize me, kid.  I never let up on you, and now it is your turn.  You earned this.”  My own kids love this story, and they understand.  Their dad never lets them win on family game night.  It’s agonizing, even though I know it’s the right thing to do.  Tell your kids your family story, and beat the pants off them on family game night.  Eventually they WILL stop throwing the game board, they will stop crying, they will stop being angry about it.  And they will be stronger.

Come on over and join me on Facebook as we work together to ditch the helicopter.

What’s for dinner… who, ME? Pressures on family meals.

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I’ve marched for women’s rights for 30 years. I’m old!  Ha ha. So I’ve earned a certain right to grouse.

Sociologists from North Carolina State have released findings on a study of the stress related to cooking healthy homecooked meals night after night.  Their findings are disappointing.  The stress on women just isn’t worth it.

On women? Still?

Yes. According to TodayParents, they “interviewed 150 black, white, and Latina mothers, with family incomes ranging from poor to middle-class, and spent more than 250 hours with 12 families during meals, grocery runs and children’s medical checks. Most mothers, regardless of income, were feeling the angst.”

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Pressures on home cooking are increasing!

 

Medical folks, tv foodies, even the US government (think food pyramid and anti-obesity campaigns) are putting increasing importance/pressure on home cooked meals.

The study recorded inadequately stocked kitchens in many lower income families (one family lives in emergency shelter in a hotel room), and picky children and husbands all across incomes.

Families do share duties sometimes; the report mentions a married mother of 3: “Although her husband sometimes helps with cooking, the task is largely in her court.”  In 30 years of feminism and cultural studies, I hardly expected such stasis!

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As Salon reports, “the main reason that people see cooking mostly as a burden is because it is a burden. It’s expensive and time-consuming and often done for a bunch of ingrates who would rather just be eating fast food anyway.”…

I admit to feeling this way myself sometimes.  And my Running Mate does a LOT of our cooking.  But a national trend?  An epidemic? That’s not right.

Let’s start with picky children, shall we?  Sign up for my free weekly-ish Ezine at Funnermother.com and watch for details about my upcoming free talk on finicky kids.  I have two, and have some great tips.

Check out these recent articles on the endangered family dinner study in Salon and in Today Parents. Leave your comments below, and of course come join us on Facebook.